Revelation

Since I gave birth to our first child I have lamented the fact that we have not ever been in a position that would allow me to be a stay at home mother.

The fact that I wanted to be a SAHM in the first place was a revelation for me. I always assumed I would work. My mother did, as did the mothers of many of my friends, to me that is just how things worked.

Then I actually had a baby and I realized that I really did not want to miss one minute of growing up.

Alas it was not to be, primarily due to choices I made before having that baby.

This evening Beloved and I got on the subject somehow of my desire to stay home with the kiddies. We were joking around about how I would share what I had done that day, remembering back to when I was in graduate school and did not work in the summer so that I could take more classes and finish school more quickly. I won't embarass myself by telling all of you about ways I passed time. All I will say is that in my defense we did not have much of a social life in California and I was not used to being home that much. So there.

Back to my point for this post. It dawned on me that being a SAHM wouldn't be the same for me now that the children will be in school all day.

I have now moved on to fantasizing about being a part-time working mother. It is quite a change. My whole reason for wanting to stay home up until now was to be home for the kids. Now they will be away from home the majority of the day, so I want to be home when they are and work when they are not.

Unfortunately this too will just continue to be a fantasy, since part-time jobs do not pay as much as full time jobs and we still need that full-time income from me.

Pooey.