JBTBH-Days 10-16- Don't.Ask.

Oy. Can we talk about something else? My work has been very stressful and consuming since my mini vay-cay last week, and I just have not paid very close attention to eating and exercise. Eating has gotten more attention than exercise, which I have flat out ignored since last Wednesday. My poor neglected Journey. If you were a child I would have multiple CPS reports by now.

JBTBH Days 8&9-Ice cream for dinner! Crazy!

OOOOhhhhKay.

So Day 8.

Pretty good. Only not so good foods were some fries at dinner, and about a half piece of fudge after dinner.

LOTS of exercise though. At home in the morning before we left, and then swimming and walking in a pool for about an hour. (Oh my calves. Owie. Ow.)

Today-

Breakfast-Curse you $11 Breakfast Buffet with your vats of Bacon,Sausage, Biscuits and Gravy, Homefries, and French Toast. (For $11 I damn near sat there til the thing was OVER.)

Lunch-Nice healthy salad

Snacks-It was nice knowing you delicious fudge!

Dinner-I think a blizzard from DQ makes an excellent meal don't you?

There was a lot of sitting today A LOT.

But I had an enjoyable day and it was my vacation day so SUCK it JBTBH.

Tomorrow I will embrace you once again!

JBTBH Day 7-Two in a Row oh-OH!

Aack!

Second successful day.

I am in shock that I made calories today after indulging in a decent sized coke, and two good sized cookies.

So my choices weren't all healthy, but not a calorie busting event.

Exercise-full disclosure I haven't exercised yet, but have plans to once I am done blogging.

Tomorrow, will be a challenge. We are headed to the Great Wolf Lodge with friends for a mini-vacation since it is spring break and all.

That means eating out. I don't do well eating out unless we are going to Chipotle.

I doubt that everyone will want to eat at Chipotle for every meal.

So I guess my strategy is to do my best, but if I blow it....well...it is vacation.

I will just try to keep it under control as best I can.

JBTBH Day 6- Now that's what I'm talkin' bout.

Finally, a day I can call successful!

Eating-Healthy and within calorie range!

I had a veggie burger and didn't throw up!

I exercised even though I was tired and didn't wanna!

And I know this will shock you.... I took my vitamins!

If I knew how to do it I would make it so that horns, confetti, and fireworks went off while you read this post.

So use your imaginations.

Here's hoping that tomorrow is another step forward!

JBTBH Days 4 and 5- For the love of!

OK, this journey is not going well AT ALL.

I can not seem to get on track.

If I get on track then I get W-A-Y the F off track at some point during the day.

This weekend the only follow through was with exercise on one day.

Eating habits have been for shit again.

I can't seem to get myself organized to do this.

Blah!

Maybe it is time to think about some kind of reward system.

When I first lost the weight I just...decided I guess. I was so freaked out by the news from my doctor that I didn't feel I had any choice in the matter. I remember resisting temptation with the thought that I just CAN.NOT. eat those foods. I CAN. NOT. fail to follow my weight loss calorie intake. I CAN. NOT. fail to exercise daily. This is not a choice. That is what my mantra was. It kept me going.

I need to find that drive again. I hate to go the route of the doctor scaring me again, but I have wondered if that it what it will take.

Why can't just doing what is best for my health without being scared into it be enough?

JBTBH Day 3-When will the journey really begin

Holy crap.

I almost titled this one Bad to Worse.

Let's see:

Decent Breakfast
Managed to skip lunch
Ate a bowl of ice cream to tide me over until dinner
Which will be at Sonic
I can assure you I won't be getting a salad
After Sonic is a movie night for BH's students
My resisting candy and popcorn does not look good
No time to exercise tonight

Crap.

At least I took my vitamins!

JBTBH Day 2-Emotional Eating Anyone?

I decided to use initials for the Journey Back to Better Health because it takes too long to write that out every time, and I am at heart a lazy girl.

Today was a long day of very intense work.

Breakfast and lunch went well. Healthy.

Snacks.....not so much. I was tired, cranky, and over this day. BH offered ice cream and I took him up on it.

I also might have finished off those damn donuts too.

Dinner. So-S0.

Exercise did not happen. I didn't even have a chance to exercise until 9:00 tonight, and I just did not have it in me to do it at that point.

I am disappointed in how the day has gone. It was great until dinner time and evening. Then fatigue and crappy mood won out, even though I know exercise and healthy choices will battle that fatigue and crappy mood.

This is where my conflict lies friends.

At least I took my vitamins.

Journey Back to Better Health Day 1- Meh

Today gets a meh.

I went over my calories today to the tune of 250 over.

It is tough in the house for me right now. There is leftover birthday cake, leftover birthday ice cream. As if that weren't enough right there my mom found my favorite doughnuts that I can never find anymore and brought over a bag of them.

Jeez.

Oh yeah, and I had a take out box full of leftover steak, noodles, and fried rice from my birthday Japanese Hibachi dinner last night.

Oy.

To make things even better, we had a huge failed attempt at homemade mac and cheese tonight. It was terrible so I didn't eat much, but I was hungry and that damn bag of donuts was there and so easy.

So not only did I consume too many calories today, I did not really make healthy food choices either.

This has been a problem for me even when I lost weight before. I could keep the calories where they needed to be for weight loss, but it did not always equal healthy eating.

Healthy eating must become part of this process, because I have blood pressure and high cholesterol issues.

I really can't have things like cake, ice cream, and donuts in the house. I have no will power when it comes to those things. None. Zip. Zero. The best remedy is total removal. I cannot however bring myself to throw the stuff away. I thought about declaring a hold on the eating part of this journey for a few days until the stuff is gone, but that doesn't do much for my all or nothing way of responding to diet and exercise.

That is a problem that still needs a solution.

On to the positive.

I exercised! Hooray!

I didn't want to, but I made myself do it anyway, and of course I was glad. I am shooting for 30 minutes a day 5 days a week, and one hour a day 2 days a week. I will be ok if it winds up being 30 minutes 7 days a week.

I took my vitamins!

There you have it. Day 1.

Onward ho!

I turned 39 today. At least I can type it without choking...

This is it.


The final year of my 30's starts today.


Oy.


I can not quite wrap my head around the idea.


40 seems so...adult.


I don't always feel so adult in my mind for some reason. I still have so many things of which I am unsure. I always feel like I should be more certain about things than I am. More confident. More assertive. Like those fabulous and 40 women you see in magazines.


Magazines present false realities. That much I do know.


I just wish I didn't want them to be true sometimes.


So what to do with this final year of my 30's?


I don't have a fucking clue.


Well I have one clue.


I absolutely positively must find again the healthy habits I committed to two years ago after my come to Jesus physical.


Those habits have been on a downward slide for a year now and I have officially smacked the bottom.


It hurts.


Of the 32 pounds I lost, I have gained back 12. I gained back 12 because I have not been careful with my food intake, and I have not been exercising consistently.


My mood and anxiety management are near the toilet. I believe this is large part due to the lack of exercise mentioned above and in some part due to the regression in healthy eating habits.


I am fully aware and have been all along that I was backsliding. For me it becomes a viscious circle. I fail to exercise and eat healthy. I beat myself up about it. Which sours my mood. Which weakens my desire. Lather, rinse, repeat ad nauseum.

I know what I need to do to drop those 12 pounds. I am not sure why it has been so hard to make myself do those things. Other than I just don't wanna. I don't want to admit that I have to do this for the rest of my life.

It just seems so.......long.

So.....daunting.

Then again feeling anxious, grouchy, and disappointed in myself does not feel so great either.

It is daunting to think that I may be shortening my life because I don't wanna.

Just seeing it in writing is sad and pathetic.

So I have to suck it up.

Exercise must happen at least 30 minutes every day.

I must track what I eat, and make healthy choices most days.

I have to let go of my all or nothing way of thinking.

I have to stop beating myself up about failures big, small, or otherwise.

I must be healthier at 40 than I am at 39.

Starting....now.

I have been giving a lot of thought about this blog and what I want to do with it.

So for now it is going to become about my renewed Journey to Better Health.

I may throw some of the usual stuff in from time to time, but for now I need a place to keep myself honest, and really a place to put all this crap and this seems to be the best place right now.

So for the two of you who still read this thing, consider this to be your notice!