Thursday, May 18, 2006


I was doing a little thinking and some slight self-evaluation on the way back to work during my lunch break today.

As you might know beloved and I have been trying to eat better and exercise more. We have been doing pretty well. The scale is showing lower numbers on a fairly regular basis.

This has been going on for roughly three weeks now, and I find myself getting down right pissed off because a lot of the things I like and want to eat, are not good to have if I really want to meet my goal.

I have for several days now felt quite justified in my anger. Until today.

For whatever reason as I was pondering this idea of being pissed off about the fact that I shouldn't eat total crap I quite suddenly felt guilty.

I am all pissed off about not being able to eat crap when there are millions of people who don't have the choice to eat regularly let alone eat crap or healthy food. Furthermore who is to say that we will forever have the abundance that most (but not all) Americans have enjoyed for so very, VERY long. It is not totally out of the realm of possibilty that for whatever unknown reasons we could be lucky to eat regular meals at all. There was much more detail to these thoughts, but I don't want to go in to them now. Hopefully you have got the jist of what I am saying here.

It is my wish that I can hold these ideas with me, can't promise my tendency to be shallow won't continue to shine through from time to time. I will try.

I continued my ponderings after I was back at work and my ponderings took a more psychological bent (big shocker I know!) I began to wonder if I was going throught the stages of grief over the loss of my former habits. It's a bit of a stretch, but interesting to think about.

I think I am at anger now. Maybe moving in to barganing.

I will probably keep you posted.

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