In Other News BH has turned in to a Cheap Old Man

Fellow sisters.. back me up here.

Old Spice is an aftershave worn only by cheap old men right?

For some reason BH has decided that Old Spice was a good choice for aftershave.

I did not know that he was in the market for aftershave. Had I known I would have gladly helped him out.

I may anyway. I am giving serious consideration to "losing" that bottle of ridculous.

Christmas is all kinds of funky this year.

We usually go to my parents house Christmas evening to imbibe in our traditional Christmas Lasagne that I look forward to all year long. My mom makes it using about 10 lbs of cheese and boy hidee is it delicious. Only time all year I get lasagne. You can't make a small one and BH and I are the only ones in the house who will eat it. Too much effort for two people.

Unfortunately my dad who drives a tour bus for a touring Broadway show had to leave a week earlier than planned. He will be gone until April. His early departure necessitated an early Christmas celebration.

So we now have no plans for Christmas evening.

We always gather at either my brother's house or my house on Christmas Eve to eat yummy snacky/appetizer type foods and open a few gifts.

WELL. Mother Nature seems to think tomorrow would be a good time to dump about 6-10 inches of snow on our fair city. The worst of which is to hit around the time of our planned gahering. My brother is the host this year and decided it was best to move Christmas Eve festivities to the day after Christmas.

So now we have no plans for Christmas Eve.

Hmm...

I bring this up because I am puzzling over my reaction. Typically I would be pretty bummed that all of our traditions are being turned upside down. However I don't feel bummed much at all. In fact I feel dare I admit....a bit.....ummm........relieved?

I think my sense of relief is a pretty clear indicator of my present level of fatigue.

August-December is always a very busy time for us. This year it has been even more so than usual. Starting a business is no joke.

I am very happy with my decision, but it continues to occupy a large portion of my time, and the kids, family, and rest of my life has not eased up to accomodate the extra work load.

To top it off I added doing a show to all of this.

So I am pretty much on the go all the time with little to no down time at all.

So when I realized that tomorrow was a day with no scheduled obligations at all I did myself a little happy dance. When I realized that the following day was going to have very few obligations my dance got even happier.

I may get to rest and do enjoyable things with my sweet honeys.

This was all helped by the fact that my sweet BH, who may be temporarily engaging in some cheap old man behavior, but was a total stud around the house. He and the girls cleaned the whole house today, and got most of the laundry done.

There will be rewards for that let me tell you.

So we will have a bit of an atypical Christmas here at Chez Babble.

But we are A-OK with it all.

I really should be memorizing lines right now

Hellooooo friends.


One of these days I just need to stand up and admit that I am just past the point of being a regular blogger.


Someday. But not today.


Once again my good intentions are going to be put on hold.


Why?


Because BH and I are doin' a show!


Why?


In recent days I have often thought the reason was because we are completely looney people who obviously don't know what to do with "free time." Or we don't know the meaning of "Hey why don't we slow down and take a break from the completely ridiculous pace our lives have kept up since ohhhhhh......AUGUST."


Or maybe we are just big hams who couldn't resist the opportunity once it was presented.


At any rate BH and I are in the process of rehearsing a show called, "Nobody's Perfect" at Topeka Civic Theatre. Opens January 15. Come see us if you are in the area. It is a really fun show. My BH is a complete hoot. He will be in drag for at least part of the show and I promise, no I SWEAR ON MY STACK OF DANIELLE STEEL novels that he will HI-larious. Totally worth the price of admission.


It is really fun working opposite my BH again. He is an amazing actor and it is indeed a shame that he does not have more time to perform. He is too busy teaching other young people the craft.


So while I am busy being a diva, may I suggest that you check out my good friend Michelle's new(ish) blog.


Her blog is titled Rational Living. Michelle is a big history buff and she and her family are about to take on a massive historical type project, that has involved a very impressive amount of research and preparation. In a very small nutshell, Michelle and her family starting the day after Christmas will spend a year living under the modern equivalent of World War II rationing, in an attempt to learn that they can indeed live happy, healthy fulfilled lives with less so that others may have more.


She has several interesting posts already detailing the preparations so far. Check it out! I think this is a very interesting undertaking and am so amazed with the work they have put in to it. I really look forward to learning more about their journey through this experience and will happily support their efforts.


(And I will likely occasionally bestow upon them a few sugar/chocolate and perhaps cheese based "charitable donations.")

For now though I must join my husband in watching awful videos from the 80's as I continue in my quest to avoid memorizing lines.

Who Knew?

I have wanted to get a new Christmas tree for a few years now.

I have had the same artificial tree for nearly 10 years now. When we bought it we lived in a much smaller house with MUCH lower ceilings. I would like a tree that is more in proportion with our current space.

For the past few years I keep saying that I am going to hit the day after Christmas sales and get a new tree.

Every year I have awakened the day after Christmas and decided that staying home and chillaxing sounded like a much better idea.

This year I have decided to just go out and get a new tree now. Post Christmas sale prices be damned! It is time to get real and say out loud that fighting crowds is not worth a bargain to me.

We had planned to put up decorations tonight, and I said that we would do everything but the tree tonight and shared my intent to purchase a new one.

Oh. Sweet. SWEET. Baby. Jesus.

I had no idea that this announcement would be received by the children in much the same manner had I announced that we were not putting up any decorations, would not be observing Christmas, and instead would be spending the entire day picking lint and cat hair off the carpet.

Were they upset because we were not going to put up all the decorations tonight?

Nay my friends.

They were upset because I intend to buy a new tree.

#2 was so upset, that we indeed did not put up any decorations this evening, she had no interest because she was too sad. Tears, very very sad drawings about her feelings, the whole nine yards.

Now my girls love their traditions, and do hate to give things up, but let me tell you I never in 10,000 years expected to get such grief over this issue.

#1 got over it more quickly once I said that the old tree may very well become the new tree for my office.

#2 was not mollified by this news. Nor was she comforted by the news that we would still put up the same decorations, and all the rest of Christmas would be the same.

It seems that she is tired of changes.

I suspected something like this.

We have had a pretty hectic change filled couple of months. Frankly that she held on this long without so much as a hint of a meltdown was pretty impressive.

After many hugs, cuddles, and a LOT of reassurance (coupled with my assurance to her that we are INDEED GETTING A NEW TREE regardless of begging and pleading on her part) she was able to come around. Not excited about the new tree, but accepting at least. Less sad too.

Those coping skills are improving with age.

Hers and mine.

Because I should probably let you in on a not so much a secret.

She comes by her dislike of change naturally.

Who is with me on this one?

Let me start out by saying that I LOVE to shop.

Love. It.

I like most people I believe, love a great bargain.

However, despite my love of shopping and a great bargain I can not begin to understand why people will line up in the cold, stand for hours well before the ass crack of dawn to both shop and get a great bargain.

Furthermore I don't understand why retailers do this to their customers and their employees.

Does something magical happen in the store between the hours of 5-10 AM on the day after Thanksgiving? Something that allows the store to make the same or a larger profit than they would make if they offered the same deals at their regular opening time?

That is the only thing that I can figure would justify this level of ridiculous.

To me that is what this get up at ludicrous o'clock and stand in line, then maybe...possibly...or even LIKELY not get the bargain I am hoping for is.... Completely ridiculous.

Now please understand that I am not passing judgement on those who choose to do the above. If that is what you want or in some cases I am sure enjoy doing be my guest. I am sure that there are extreme things I have done that others would consider ridiculous.

I just get pissy because I feel that it is manipulative. If there is anything in this world I despise it is being manipulated.

I know that I am manipulated many times over during the rest of the year by retailers in some shape or form the rest of the year.

I refuse to be manipulated in this one case however.

So there.

Big retailers I challenge YOU. Give me a huge and ridiculous bargain at 12:30 PM. Reward me for sleeping in and being lazy. I in turn will shop at your establishment at a reasonable hour when everyone else is out having lunch. I won't be hungry yet because I slept in and had a late breakfast.

C'mon. Manipulate me on my terms.

Eh. So Much for my "Plan"

Hmm...

Not so much back to that regular blogging I was promising in my last post that was dated ohhhhhh...sometime a little over a week ago.


I could give you the usual excuses, but that is boring and I am pretty sure you all know them by now anyway.


I realized a few days ago that my uhhh (excuse me I had to leave and go check my archives to make sure I am correct. I do my best to keep my reporting factual here at Babble On.) 4 year blogiversary passed sometime in early mid to late October.

Dang.

4 years is a long time to stay committed to something like this.

My readership is small. Very small. Minute. Teeny. I get about an average of 7 page views per day. Total visits since I started keeping track, which was some time well after I started the blog show that I have had around 9,000 visits to my page.

Seedling status compared to many of the blogs I frequent.

I am pretty sure that a good portion of the hits I get are from a picture that is the #1 Google Image Serach if you type Wizard Hat Cupcakes.

That is my biggest claim to fame with this thing. Which always gives me a little giggle.

Not that I was ever looking for fame and fortune from this venture. But it is nice to be recognized for something I suppose. Everyone should be #1 in some area right?

I guess me and my famous Wizard Hat Cupcake picture will keep it going for now.

Why stop after this long? As long as people keep commenting, I suppose I will keep Babbling On.

Ciao.

Instead of Session Notes

I thought I would blog instead. I have left all 5 of you in my blog posse hanging on long enough.

So I have survived the transition. I got the office moved, unpacked, and organized. I have seen many clients, and have a schedule that is staying full and have been getting referrals here and there. Looking forward to my first Medicaid reimbursement check. It will be nice to have some coming in, to help replace the scary amounts that have been going out.

I am a routine kind of gal and this having to develop new work routines after having a routine set for the past 4 or so years is kind of getting to me. My "commute" is longer too, which is one of the few downsides of this venture. (Not that I should complain. My "commute" has gone from about 5-10 minutes depending on the time of day to around 15-20 depending on the time of day) I know that soon I will settle in to a routine, I just want it to hurry up and get here.

Right now I am working a LOT. Trying to build up the coffers. I hope that in the coming months I can tweak things and have a schedule more like I envisioned when I first started working on this adventure. I am mourning the loss this year of my typical 3 days off at Thanksgiving and week or more off at Christmas. It is just too soon to take that much time off. Next year maybe. We'll see.

So here's hoping things continue to settle down. I think this is all starting to catch up with me. I am falling asleep about 2 seconds after my head hits the pillow these days and in the morning I swear the night was only 5 minutes long and I have no recollection of dreaming. That is some hardcore sleeping for me.

Hope you all have been well and my plan is to get back to regular posting soon.

Try to contain yourselves!

Telling it like it is

I got two kids at home sick with the flu.

I have 1 week left at work before I start the new practice.

Between caring for sick children, praying, chanting, rattling bones, and other assorted rituals to ward off germs for myself, annnndd...oh YEAH, starting my own business...blogging is falling off the radar for a week or two.

Try not to fuss too much.

Or at least don't fuss around me.

My current patience level :
"I will tear your head off and throw it over the fence if you annoy me in the slightest."

Don't say I didn't give you fair warning.

It's an I got a lotta crap done kind of tired

Hoo Boy.

I am surprised I have the strength and energy to type.

Things are hopping in Babble Land, and today was a doozy.

But...I now have a fresh and lovely painted office space. I am so pleased with how it turned out! I also have a bookcase, and we have intenet, phone/fax lines, and some furniture and toys in the lobby area. It begins to look a lot like a functioning office in there!

Next week I get a loveseat, find a chair, put together my desk, and start to arrange things in my office space.

So preparations for the new office are clipping along at a good pace.

Progress on the Journey to Better Health...not quite as clipping.

As is always the case at Chez Babble, fall brings on extreme busy times. I should take a picture of our calendar and post it here. Just for a good giggle. Because I promise you every time I look at it I giggle hysterically at the idea that we are going to cram all that in. Some how we do.

Anyway The Journey.

I have two pounds left.

Two pounds that seem to have separation anxiety. Cuz they ain't movin'. They are clinging to me like a toddler to it's mother when there are adults in huge scary costumes near by.

In the interest of full disclosure, I have been enabling this separation anxiety somewhat due to my lack of vigilance in counting my calories. Due to things like catching a cold, and ridiculously early sporting events my exercise has been somewhat less consistent, but overall not too bad.

I know what I need to do, now I just need to do it, lose these last two measly pounds and move on to the next phase of the journey. The phase I have dreamed, fantasized, and drooled over.

Maintenance.

Now that it is so close, the view is not quite as shiny as it was some 6 months ago. In fact it kind of looms a little scary. Because now I realize that these changes I have made don't stop. Ever.

That is kind of daunting.

I am pondering how to go about maintenance and I hope that next time we discuss The Journey I will be telling you all about the new maintenance plan I am carrying out.

On to good stuff about The Journey.

Since I now wear clothes that fit on a regular basis instead of clothes that are 2-3 sizes too big people have really noticed how much I have lost. That is kind of fun.

Someone the other day told me that I looked like I could afford to eat a brownie I turned down the other day. I don't believe that I am in the too thin category, but it was kind of nice to hear.

Unexpected stuff from The Journey. (warning that this could fall in to the TMI category for some of you.)

Boob loss. Wow. My rack is not what it once was. To the tune of about 4 inches less boobage. That may not sound like a lot, but the reality is quite noticeable to me. BH is not complaining however so that is good. Mixed feelings about this loss, and am frankly surprised that I care at all.

Cold. Good SWEET LORD AND BABY JEEBUS the COLD!!!!

I have always been one who tends to get cold easily. But since the weather has turned colder I am REALLT noticing it with more intensity. Last year we kept our house at 68 while we were home all winter long. We wanted to work on saving energy and felt that we could really just put on an extra layer or two. I was fine all winter with that temperature and tolerated it well with the extra layer or two of clothing. We are not even in REAL winter yet, in fact have only had the heat on for maybe two days and I am not sure if I am going to be able to handle it. I was lamenting to BH about how I was doubting and remarked that I remembered it being fine last year. He lovingly reminded me that I have lost almost 30 pounds of insulation since last winter. Never even thought of this outcome. Pretty sure I don't care for it, but will learn to live with it. May just have to add a layer or 3 this winter instead. Because I really like the way that temp shrinks our heating bill. In half people. It has cut it in half.

Non-Journey related public service statement:

Get a programmable furnace and set it to 68 when you are home, 62 when you are gone during the day and at night. Get out those layers , and extra blankets out then watch that bill and your carbon footprint shrink baby shrink.

Until next time...

Coming Out

I have been teasing about some upcoming changes for a while now.


Finally I can come out about what is going on, although I bet some of you have guessed already, or you are friends with me on Facebook and know through there.


Anyway! My big news is.........


I am leaving my job.


I have been at this job longer than any other. Almost 4 years. That is a real record for me. If you feel so inclined, you can go back in the blog archives and read about my job jumping history. Try February 2006. That is the best I can do, as I am lazy blogger who doesn't categorize and tag things.

So what am I going to be doing after I leave my job?

Why going into private practice that's what!

Yup, I have pondered, thought, mulled, fretted, crunched numbers and decided that this is the way for me to go. If all goes as planned I hope to be able to work a little less eventually and make as much money or perhaps a bit more than I do currently.

I am also ready to call the shots now. I say how big my caseload will be, when and how late I work. I WILL CONTROL MY OWN SCHEDULE!!!! ( I am way excited about this. I swear to Baby Jesus it takes an act of congress to make a change to my schedule where I am now.)

So I guess I am not so much changing jobs as I am changing where and how I do my work.

I will be in an office space with 3 other therapists, so it will be nice to have others to talk to and consult with when necessary. The office space we have leased is lovely and in a great location. Getting the space ready has been fun, and exciting too. We paint my office and the lobby area this weekend.

So big stuff going on. It is getting pretty intense now that I am slightly less than a month away from starting this gig. The transition is going to be a lot of work, and I might get cranky so be warned, because you know you will be among the first to reap the uh...."benefits" of my mood state.

So that is it. My BIG NEWS.

Stay tuned for updates as they happen.

Things that make my heart break

My precious old lady kitty Kalypso died Sunday evening.

BH and I got her about 6 months after we got married and about 1 month after we moved ourselves alllll the way out to California where we knew not a soul so that I could go to graduate school.

I always say that we did not pick out Kalypso, but rather she picked US out for herself. We got her from the SPCA shelter in Oakland. It was not very well lit, and I was peering in the cages at the kitties when I felt a little paw on my back. I turned around to see a tiny and very fuzzy long-haired tortoise shell kitten. We asked to have a look at her. We took her in to the visiting room and she immediately curled up in my lap and started purring and seemed as happy as could be. I told BH that we had just found our kitty. He wanted to reserve opinion until he saw how she did with him. So I very reluctantly handed her over. She curled right up in his lap and kept on purring.

So home with us she went. She really was a welcome friend in a town where we had none. You would have thought that cat was our child, the way we treated her. She went on many plane trips home with us, because we hated to leave her behind. If we were sitting or lying down she was in our lap, curled up on our backs, sitting on our heads, never far from our side. She would play for hours and was extremely entertaining.

As happens with all pets when kids enter the picture, she did not get quite the attention she had when she was an only child, but she was ever patient with the girls and they loved her dearly. Nothing made them happier then to sit in the hallway every morning so that Kalypso would come sit in their laps to get her morning pets. When they started helping to feed her they were thrilled when she would sleep in their beds at night. When she got to old and frail to jump up to their beds, they both made special spots on the floor with pillows and t-shirts so that she would have a place to rest near them. The nicknamed her Pippy and loved her as much as we did.

Kalypso turned 14 this year and got very ill last spring. Her kidneys were failing and she was having seizures. We had made the decision to end her suffering, but before we made the call the she rallied around and recovered somewhat.

A couple of weeks ago, she started having seizures again. She was eating only the tiniest amounts no matter what treats we gave her to try and coax her appetite. We knew that she was winding down.

Sunday afternoon she had a seizure and seemed to have a lot of trouble coming out of it. We did not think she was going to make it to the next day, and decided that if she did the time had come. She was obviously suffering now, and we could not let her go on like that.

We told the girls at dinner, and everyone cried. We checked on her periodically. Finally shortly before the girls bedtime BH called me in and said that he thought Kalypso was at the end. Her breathing was erratic and very very shallow. We gave the girls the chance to come in and say goodbye, and then BH and I sat there petting her until she was gone.

It has been very sad around here these past few days. We are grateful to have been with her as she took her final breaths, and grateful even more that she suffers no more.

I still expect to see her sitting in her favorite spots, or to have her come in after I have showered to lick drops of water off my legs. I miss seeing her watch over the other two cats like the matriarch she was.

I miss my friend.

Things that make my heart melt

This evening I was preparing to dry #2's hair when she says to me, "Mommy, when I am older will you tell me all of your secrets?"

I counter this remark with my best, "whatchootalkinbout#2" look.

She goes on to say, "I want you to tell me all of the secrets about how you are such a great mom so that I can be a great mom like you when I grow up because you are the best mom a little girl could ever have."

I reply by melting into a great big huge pile of lovey dovey goo all over the floor.

Survived

I survived my first specator parent experience.

#2 had her first basketball game over the weekend. Her team is scrappy I tell ya! Scrappy! Those little girls were not afraid to take the ball any time the other team managed to get their hands on it, which was not often. #2's team won 22-0. That is no typo friends. That was the final score.

I clapped, but did not holler at my child. I have to maintain my dignity doncha know.

In other news, last week showed much improvement over the previous one despite a very bumpy start.

Once again I am dying to go in to detail, but smarts keeps me from doing so on here. Dang, I do often lament the really interesting blog I could have if I could share more information.

In a about a week or so I think it will be safe to announce some upcoming Big! Changes! For! Me!

Too bad that the changes won't be as exciting for all of you as they will be for me. But you are a kind and loving audience who no doubt will get over it soon.

Hey, did I tell you about my totally weird dream the other night?

I dreamt that I was taking an algebra class, and it was taught by my high school algebra teacher. He was much more pushy in my dream and did not let me get away with my complete inability to comprehend algebra. Several times in the dream I thought I was going to cry but didn't. That dream seemed really long and when I woke I was really grouchy that I had spent my night trying to learn algebra.

Especially since I now know that I am right and I NEVER use it in my adult life.

Because I have a mathematically inclined husband who can help the children with their math homework.

I knew what I was doing when I married that man.

Awful

The past week was awful.

This week looks to be much the same.

Can't really discuss any of it here.

Having a really hard time TCB.

Ugh.

Wide World of Sports

BH and I are not athletic people.

We don't watch sports, play sports, or in truth really care at all about sports.

We have no teams that we support or care about.

Being Midwesterners, that sometimes puts us on the oddball scale. Particularly when there is a KU vs K-State game on the horizon. Saying you could care less about who wins, or failure to declare a loyalty puts you on par with aliens, or baby stealers, and the like. People just don't understand.

When we were expecting #s 1 and 2, we used to always joke that we artsy fartsy theater loving people were going to give birth to the most tremendous sports loving jocks on the face of the planet. That is how things work right?

Well that hasn't exactly come to pass. Our youngest is 8 years old and we are about to make our first foray in the world of "Parents Whose Child Participates in a Team Sport."

Y'see #2 has decided that she would like to play basketball this year. Never one to discourage a valid interest we signed her up.

Now I wonder what have we gotten in to? We will have to attend practice once a week and go to games once a week. GAMES. Where we have to watch and pay attention. There will be cheering on involved.

I am going to be totally out of my element.

I bet I can count on one hand the number of sporting event I have attended as an adult. I have NO INTEREST. NONE. DON'T CARE.

I assume because my child is involved that this will increse my level of interest.

However there is one thing that worries me greatly....

Cheering on.

I. Don't. Cheer.

Ever.

I also never never E-V-E-R clap along with music at concerts and performances.

Because I HATE THAT.

I am no good at audience participation. I flat out refuse. I will be the only one standing there mute and unmoving and I am ok with that. Perfectly ok.

Until now.

There is going to be much pressure to cheer on.

Of course my anxious irrational self is coming out and imagining the horror and evil things I will do to my darling child because I don't holler out and cheer and participate with the rest of the audience.

Oh Lordy.

I should have just signed her up for dance and told her to live with it.

Oy.

Go #2!

Woot.

Woo Hoo.

Can I just Twitter my support?

Doncha Hate it?

When you have something exciting to share, but the timing is just not quite right?

I do.

Sigh.

Soon. Hopefully soon.

A Journey Update

Dooooon't stop Beeeeeliiiieeevvinnnn'!! Hold on to that feeeellllllliiiiiiinnn'! (You have to imagine that this is actually being sung by Steve Perry as it is in my head for this to work you know!)

So the Journey To Better Health.

Well the first milestone has been met. This past week I finally hit the first goal mark. I am now officially at the weight recommended by my doctor. I have fully committed to going on to my own personal goal that is 7 lbs past the doctor goal.

Wait, did I say 7 pounds??

Oops. I misspoke, becuase as of yesterday I only have 6 pounds left.

Yeah!

I have gone back to my earlier vigilance about keeping track of my calories every day and added in the extra 10 minutes of exercise. That seems to have gotten me over my stall. Not dropping quite as rapidly as in the beginning, but dropping pounds again all the same.

Still have good energy and mood. And the best news of all has to be the clothes.

Oh the clothes.

I finally had to break down and go get some clothes to get me through the rest of the summer weather here. (Seeing as I am in Kansas summer weather could end next week or possibly sometime in mid-November.) I was shocked by the final results when I went to try on clothes. I have been wearing things anywhere from 2-3 sizes too large. Which explains why belts were not very helpful. I barely held it together in the dressing room. What was even more exciting is that the final size was almost loose. Not enough to go one more down, but I am suspicious that once I drop the last 6 that I may be one more size down. Especially if I keep up with some of the toning stuff I am doing.

I have renewed my love for buying clothes. Oh my sweet baby Jesus I have renewed it. Clothing stores are once again my Mecca. So many pretty choices. So many.....

However I will have to keep myself in check. While it is good for me to be slimmer, that is not a good state of being for my bank account.

Let's get random

I have no solid unifying theme for this post. It has been a while since I have done a Randomosity post so I figure....what the hell?

#2 figured how to make armpit farts this weekend. She can also do back of the knee farts.(Is there a name for that part of the body? Kneepit? I tell you this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night.) We are now discussing when and where it is appropriate to make such noises. Good times indeed.

How 'bout this healthcare reform? I have not been following it too closely because it makes my head spin and I figure why would I purposely raise my blood pressure? My barely informed thoughts you ask? In a nutshell...I don't think we will see true reform and I am pretty certain that it is the fault of greedy insurance companies. This makes me very sad. Almost more sad than angry. Almost.

Did I tell you that we now have a kitten? Yup. Cat number 3. We are apparently running an animal refuge here at Chez Babble. Why a 3rd kitty? Because EMILY posted a link about overcrowding at a local shelter and I am a giant sucker is the short version. Yes Emily I am still placing full blame on you. The kitten's name is Penelope. She is a tiny sweet little Calico Kitty. Ooh! I can do a full post with pictures later!

I am feeling less irritated at work. That is nice. A small raise and the return of A WHOLE HOUR of paperwork time has helped. Helped some apparently, seeing as I am not opposed to making snarky comments about the management's "generosity" on the paperwork end. The raise was nice, and given the current state of the economy, world, job market, etc. I feel extremely grateful to be in a position to have gotten an unplanned raise in the middle of the year. But the paperwork hour made me laugh. (We used to get 8 hours blocked off and many was the week that barely covered what needed to be done.)

I bought some new clothes last weekend. I figured I could not wait until winter as I originally planned when I had two incidents where I was running and my pants nearly fell off, and my decision was cemented when I was able to pull off a pair of denim capri pants without undoing the zipper and button. My current size is one I have not seen since a few glorious months post-partum with #1. (So that would be nearly 12 years for those keeping track.) I might have gotten a little teary in the dressing room. I might have gotten really excited that the new size was such that it won't take much to go down one more either. I am trying to come to terms with the feelings of shallowness that accompany my elation over this very respectable jean size. I am doing MARVELOUSLY overcoming by the way. I am trying to keep my urge to buy lots of fun new clothes under control. This is difficult.

Have any of you watched the show Coupling? It is a BBC comedy and by God it is hilarious. I strongly suggest checking it out. You can watch it instantly on Netflix if you are a member. Seriosuly. As soon as you are done reading and commenting on this post I want you to go immediately to Netflix and start watching. If you don't belong to Netflix join. Now.

What are you waiting for?

Can't Spill The Beans But I Wanna

I have some exciting stuff brewing here at Chez Babble.

I really REALLY want to write about it, but I am not ready to make it quite so public just yet.

Soon though.

In other news, school is back in session, and we are adjusting back to that way of life once more. I am trying not to be emotional yet about it being #1's last year of elementary school. It does not help when BH shares bits of trivia like, "Hey! Did you know that this is the last year the girls will be in the same school together until #1 is a senior in high school."

I'm not saying my eyes got leaky at that one, but they were extra watery for a few minutes.

#1 is definitely presenting with some pre-teen moody issues. I may change my references to her from #1 to Moody Blue.

Oy.

This is challenging my patience in a tremendous way. Adolescents are delicate creatures. They must be handled with skill. My skills in this area are dull and weak right now. I am having to do much stopping and thinking before reacting.

Just like baby and toddlerhood this will pass. Right?

RIGHT?

Somebody throw me a bone here.

Visions of what is to come?

School starts Thursday.

#1 has just been diagnosed with Strep.

Can I reiterate that SCHOOL HAS NOT EVEN STARTED YET?

This does not bode well people. Not at all.

Lucky

So last night I dreamt that I was on some kind of a dance team for a grocery store that we used to frequent when we lived in California.

The store and the dance team were named Lucky.

The uniform for the dance team were tight white t-shirts with Lucky and some shamrocks done in sparkly green crystals. This shirt was paired with green shorts. (This part was very vivid.)

I seemed to be the odd-woman out on the team. I never had the right outfit, my shoes were too dirty, I was late, my hair and make-up were below par. The mothers and other girls on the team would whisper and laugh at me not-so-much behind my back. It was never really clear in the dream if I was an adult or a teenager again.

I felt like I had this dream before recently, but am not sure.

I am sure that I hope this dream does not make an appearance again. It is not terribly fun to live out a high school situation in dreams that was far worse than anything I experienced as a teenager.

Of course I can not seem to keep from asking myself what this dream is about and where are it's themes coming from.

Not that I believe in that sort of thing. Mostly.

Stalled

I haven't posted about my Journey to Better Health for a while.

I know you are all beside yourselves with wonder about how things are going.

They are in a word somewhat....stalled.

I seem to have hit a plateau here in the past month or so.

As it stands right now I have lost a total of 18 pounds. I have 4 more to go to hit the weight recommended by my doctor.

I think the stall started on vacation. I did not watch what I ate. I did not eat a ton, but my choices were frequently of the cheeseburger, pizza realm. (C'mon! I was in New York! How am I supposed to go there and NOT eat a slice. Or maybe two. Not at the same sitting however!)

Our hotel did not seem to have a gym, so I did not exercise as I have been. I did however do a MASSIVE amount of walking. This kept me from gaining while on the trip.

I think the problem has been that since returning I have not been quite as vigilant about the eating as have been the past few months. I have lost a little, but am nowhere near what I have been losing. I continue to exercise as I have been the entire time.(Except for this week. I had to take a few days off. I had some issues with my knee, of the limping miserably variety. Rest and Motrin seem to have done the trick. Thank goodness, I was getting worried!)

So methinks it is time to shake things up a bit. I guess I have to go back to my vigilant calorie management, and I think we need to make some changes to the ol' exercise routine. I am going to add an extra 10 minutes a day. That may not seem like much, I know. I have some DVD's that have very intense short cardio/toning workouts. It is like a 30 minute work out in 10. Did I mention that they are intense? Ohh those DVDs are from hell. I hope that this will help get things moving again.

I also have almost maybe definitely decided to go for it and get down to what I consider to be my best weight. It is not that far past what the Dr. recommended and I really like the idea of having a cushion.

Now on to some more positive things. I am soon going to have to buy some new clothes. I have a lot that is really way too big. A few things that are absolutely past wearing any longer, and more that will be that way soon. That is pretty exciting.

I am also really happy about how elevated my mood has become. This has been a pleasant and unexpected bonus. I have frequently felt very irritable, cranky, and out of sorts over the past 6 months to a year. I have had a few points in time where I began to think that it might be time to seek some uhh..professional assistance. I don't feel that way any longer. I am glad. It is no fun to feel eternally irritable. No fun atall.

It is interesting to hear people's reactions to my weight loss. It is pretty noticeable now I guess. I have had many people say that they never would have guessed that I needed to lose 20 plus pounds. Which is good I suppose. Not sure what I did to disguise it, but whatever it was worked.

So the journey continues. I hope that in another month or so I can share that goal one (Dr. recommended weight) has been met.

I think I need to reward myself with something when this is all done. I have a few ideas, but would be interested in your thoughts. How would you reward yourself for such an accomplishment?

And no.. I do not plan to take myself out to an expensive calorie-laden meal.

But maybe some ice cream.

Sometimes it is Good to Clean Out the Desk

BH and I are cleaning out, purging, shredding things, and generally organizing our office space at home.

In the process I came across a poem that BH sent me for Valentine's Day in 2005. If I recall we spent that Valentine's day and evening apart because he had rehearsal. To make up for his absence he e-mailed me the following poem. Enjoy. Those of you familiar with Napoleon Dynamite will find particular enjoyment.

A Love Poem
(in the sweet style of Kip Dynamite)

What would I do without you?
Where would I be without you?
How could I see wtihout you?

Yes, I love Heroclix,
But it would be better with you in the mix
But I still love Heroclix

What would I do without you?
I often think about you.
And never would doubt you.

Our love is bigger than a house,
And for your love I'd joust,
And then we could live in Taos.

Where would I be without you?
Among my favorite things I count you.
To read my comics I allow you.

If ever our loves should ever break,
I'll cry and hen a scene I'll make,
And this is my heart you can take.

How could I see without you?
I feel so free around you.
The birds and bees have found you.

Who knows where love comes from?
But our love will never be done,
And we will always have fun.

What would I do without you?
Where would I be without you?
How could I see without you?

What would I do without you?
Where would I be without you?
How could I see without you?

Now how can I not feel special after being the recipient of such amazing poetry?

Feel free to be jealous.

My Summer Vay-Cay Days 1-2

This year BH and I decided to go crazy and take a vacation BY OURSELVES. As in NO CHILDREN. We have not been on a vacation sans children since..weeellll....since we had children.
As I stated a few times in other recent posts, I was a little twitchy about being away from my babies for so long, but of course it all worked out fine.

I am very glad that we made our first trip to New York without the children. By the end of the first full day we really understood just how different the trip would have been had they been along. Not that it would have been an awful vacation or anything, it just would have been very different.

This post may not be very exciting for many of you. I am ok with that. Above all else this blog is my scrapbook, journal, whatever you want to call it of my life. Sometimes I gotta do some posts that are mostly for me. This one and those to follow are precisely that. However you are of course welcome to peruse my scrapbook at your leisure.

Now let's get down to business.

Day one of our vacation actually took place only an hour from home in Good ol' KC. As anyone who reads this blog or for that matter anyone who had a conversation with me over the past month or so knows that I had to take a big licensing exam this month. I decided (why I will NEVER know) to take it right before we left of vacation. So the morning of day one, was spent test taking and TEST ROCKING. Yes sirree I rocked that bad boy. So to celebrate BH and I went to see the first of TWO movies that day.

You read that right. We went to the movie theater TWICE in ONE DAY. I am lucky if I go to see a movie twice in a year these days. So let me tell you this seemed like the highest level of decadence. We first saw Away We Go. GREAT movie. Go see it. You won't be sorry. We went to the Fork and Dine theater for that one. They bring you food while you watch the movie. I so love that. The Fork and Dine theater is nice, but it ain't nothin' compared to the Cinema Suites. OOOohh how I do love the Cinema Suites. If I had my way we would see EVERY movie there. The Cinema Suites are only for adults, they have extremely comfortable leather recliners, and again they bring you food while you eat! All seats are reserved and the theater only holds about 40 people. I love love love going there. The best part is that the tickets are $20, but of that $20, $10 is a voucher for food. We saw The Proposal there. Enjoyable, but really you can probably wait for it to come out on DVD. Unless you have access to the Cinema Suites. Then go. See whatever they are playing. It won't matter if the movie is crap. LEATHER RECLINING SEATS AND FOOD PEOPLE!!! No more needs to be said.

The next day we got up at the top of the ass crack of dawn to catch our flight to NYC. We wanted to get there early. We did get in around 11:00 AM. Unfortunately for us we were the last people to be dropped off of a very full and CREEPILY quiet shuttle van. Man. No one said a word the entire trip and it was long. We were on that bad boy for about an hour and a half. I had to practically bite through my tongue not to be a complete geeky tourist. "Look! Times Square!" "Look! The Empire State Building!" "LOOK! Rockefeller Center!" All these things had to be said in my head.

By the time we got to the hotel we were more than sick of sitting and starving.

Let's get to some pictures to tell the rest of the day's story shall we?

Happy BH eating a Shack Burger. A good burger cures crankies every time!

Our first meal took place at the Shake Shack which was conveniently located a few blocks from our hotel. This is apparently a famous joint and the line was long, but apparently only by our Midwestern standards. The burgers and fries were delicious, but the shakes. My GOD the shakes. We were told that they were out of chocolate frozen custard and that nearly sent me into the vapours. However they recommended as an alternative the black and white shake. Oh dear LORD. I never thought I would utter the words, "I am so GLAD they were out of chocolate." But I did and I meant it. That black and white shake was a little cup of heaven let me tell you.

After some lunch it was time to see my good friend ALI, her delicious little boy, and always charming husband. They showed us around their hood and treated us to a delicious dinner, and some powerful Oprah style Sangria. The conversation and company were thoroughly delightful. We got to spend some time with DAN too who was fortunately able to join us. A very pleasant evening to be sure, and a great way to start our NY experience.

A rare sighting of Missy and her BH. This was in front of the Intrepid located on Hudson Bay.

I regret that I did not get a picture of the view from Ali's balcony because it is quite a sight to behold.

Ali and Dan escorted us back to the hotel and showed us how to navigate the subway. They were gracious enough to indulge our tourist moments.

Wow! Two pictures of me in one post. This is unheard of. But it is not every evening that I find myself in Times Square with such a handsome man!

Thus ended our first two days of vacation. By the time this photo was taken, I in particular was beginning to fade after two very early mornings and two very crappy nights of sleep. Our hotel bed was soooo comfy.

Coming soon....

"MY SUMMER VAY-CAY DAYS 3-4!!!!"

Don't miss it!

Back to err..uhh..somewhat regularly scheduled blog posts soon

Hey there!

Just a few quick updates.

First and foremost...I passed my LCPC exam!!! Hooray! Now I just have to send the KSBSRB another fistful of cash to get my new license. Then decide on my next move, but that is a post for another day.

I have been on vacation in New York City all week long. There is much to share, but I have walked about 3,000 miles over the past four days and I am T-I-R-E-D. I also have a plane to catch in the AM so will say night night for now.

However as a teaser I will let you in on my favorite sighting of the trip.

I believe the award must go to the man wearing nothing but a neon yellow g-string sunning himself in the Brooklyn Bridge Park.

That kind of fabulous stuff just does not happen in my part of the Midwest friends.

Mores the pity.

Bi-Polar

I believe that my response to my upcoming clinical exam is rapid cycling Bi-Polar disorder.

What seems like half a million times a day I go from thinking, "I can totally pass this exam. NOOOOooo problem." to "Oh MY GOD! I know nothing! How do I keep my job? My license! I will never pass this exam even if I studied every minute for the next six months!"

Good times. SUPER good times.

I have talked before about my uhhh..ahem...nervous tendencies.

Since I started this blog I don't recall being in any exam situations. So I am here to tell you that my level of anxiety where tests are concerned make my other "nervous tendencies" look like I am strolling happily in the park on a splendid summer's day.

It. Is. Ugly.

Generally I obsess for several days..then a day or two before the test I have a crying melt-down...then the morning of the test I am very nauseated, unable to eat, and have major stomach upset.

Not. Fun.

I do somehow manage to pull it together and take the exam. Which is good.

Hopefully this will be the last time I have to take an exam of this magnitude and importance.

Unless I decide to go back to school to become certified to be a school counselor.

That is still on the table.

Maybe this test experience will cure me of that idea.

Now I should call it a night.

Sigh.

Ca-rrrazzy Eights

My friend Lindsey tagged me a while back with this lil' meme. Seeing as how I have been slow to respond to the tag AND since this seemed infinitely more fun than continuing my preparations for the NCMHCE here we go...

8 Things I am looking forward to...
1-having my big test out of the way
2-passing my test
3-adding the credentials LCPC to my name (anyone sense a theme here?)
4-BH and my trip to NYC
5-Spending time with my good friends who live in NY
6-losing these last 6 or 13 pounds
7-picking tomatoes out of my garden
8-family vacation to Florida over spring break or summer. Whenever is fine with me!

8 Things I did yesterday...
1-exercised
2-laid around reading in bed
3-studied for my test
4-worried about failing my test
5-played freeze tag at the pool with my hubby and kids
6-ate pizza and sort of watched a movie with my hubby and kids
7-checked Facebook more often than I should.
8-stayed up too late reading "American Wife" by Curtis Sittenfeld

8 things I wish I could do...

1-work part time
2-be more patient
3-enjoy exercise more
4-rock a bikini again
5-visit the beach every year
6-pay more attention to political issues
7-refinish the basement
8-hang out more often with my chick friends

8 shows I watch...

1-The Office
2-30 Rock
3-Grey's Anatomy
4-Ugly Betty
5-Mad Men
6-My Name is Earl
7-The Soup
8-Just about anything they show on HGTV

OK. That's my crazy eights. Hope you enjoy. Feel free to do this on your blog.

Adios!

It's Official..I am a Total Nutjob.

I have been waiting waiting waiting..then waiting some more to get confirmation from the KSBSRB, the President, Congress, God, Buddah, and other various important figures since MAY 15 saying that I am approved to take the NCMHCE. (Test I have to take for my clinical licesnse.) FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY today I got the last of the confirmations needed and was given access to the site where I sign up for my test date. I will be taking the exam on July 6 at 9AM. That is just about 9 days away.

(Excuse me, but I need to recover from my fainting spell/panic attack)

Wanna know what is 10 days away???

Our NY vacation.

Ayup. I am taking the test the day before we leave for vacation. There are reasons why I chose to do this.

I can't seem to recall any of them now however.....

I have been preparing for the exam since the first of the month, for once having a positive outlook that things would go my way. However I have backed off the studying over the past week because I had begun to despair that I was going to hear back from the NBCC (national board for certified counselors) in time to register for the July exam.

Oy vey.

I think it is safe to say that by the time next weekend comes around I will be a "Hot Mess" as the kids are saying these days.

I think preparing for a major test, getting ready for my first vacation away from my children, dealing with all that is involved in getting work stuff settled so that I can be gone for a week, equals the perfect recipe for the "hot mess."

I see a crying, anxiety ridden meltdown in my near future.

Now where did I put that positive outlook? I know I left it around here somewhere.....

Trying to embrace Babette

Well I am officially about two months in to the Journey to Better Health.

I have lost 13 pounds so far. 9 more to go to reach my doctor's recommendation for target weight. 16 more for My recommendation for target weight.

It is up in the air as to whether or not I will try to reach what I have felt for a loooooong time is my target weight. I may see how I feel at the doctor's recommendation and leave it at that. I may say, "Hell I have gone this far what is another 7 pounds?" Those few (okay maybe "few" is not totally accurate, but this is my journey so I can call it like I want to!)extra pounds of weight loss would give me a cushion so to speak. For what I am not sure, but I like the IDEA of a cushion. Cushions are...cushy, they give you a sense of support.

I guess this is getting easier. Although I did have to get a slap of reality over the last couple of weeks. I thought that I could just keep track in my head of what I was eating and I might have had a couple of days where I just said "screw it" and ate more than I should have of stuff that I shouldn't. A creep up in poundage whipped me back in to shape, and I got rid of the extra plus some pretty quickly. I still dread eating out. BH has also started watching his caloric intake via the same website I am using and that helps too. I no longer feel like stabbing him with a fork as I watch him eat whatever the hell he wants to.

HOWEVER. I jokingly(ish) said to him that once he starts tracking his calories he will lose 10 pounds in one week. About four days in to calorie watching and he DROPS 4 POUNDS WITHOUT EVEN EXERCISING REGULARLY. I might have accidentally called him an asshole out loud when he said that. I didn't mean to. Things just slip out sometimes. I really don't think he is an asshole. Far from it. It is just the hungry jealous woman in me rearing her ugly beastly head.

I normally avoid full length mirrors because they tend to make me sad, but today I decided to have good look to see if I could tell any difference in how I look. I could. However upon examination it became apparent to me that a portion of my midsection that I not so lovingly refer to as "Babette" may not be resolved through weight loss alone. She may not even be resolved with exercise. I can not say that for certain as I have not been engaging in any kind of toning exercise. That will come later, I just can't do more right now. But today for the first time EVER in my life, I momentarily considered uhh..surgical enhancement, or more accurately surgical reduction.

Babette may only go away with the use of surgical implements. I am not fully accepting of this idea as of yet seeing as I have not tried any toning techniques. Even if those don't work, I don't know that I could bring myself to do a.........(gasp).....tummy tuck.

I did weigh the option for a few seconds tho.

I think a far less radical and less painful option would be to try and become friends with Babette. Accept her. Embrace her. Take her out on the town. Introduce her to my friends.

Now where did I put that Pilates DVD.....

Upcoming Travels

Ohhhh the Babble Home is abuzz with travel plans.

BH and I are headed to New York in just a few short weeks. Our first vacation sans children. The children will be living it up with Grammy and Poppie for the first part of the week in Omaha to see the zoo. Then they are transferred to Grandma and Grandpa for the remainder of the week so they can motor out to Branson. They will come back spoiled and need retraining to be sure.

So far BH and I have secured tickets to see Billy Elliot, and have plans to try and see a Mets game and have some quality time with our dear friend Dan. We also have plans to visit my very dear friend Ali, so that I can love on her sweet adorable boy as part of my coping plan for missing my own children. I also hope that maybe she and I can sneak away to do something fun for at least a short while with no children or boys. Maybe we'll have to see what she and the menfolk say I suppose.

Other than that we have talked about stuff we would like to do, but have not nailed down much more than the abovementioned plans.

It is kind of funny. Ordinarily I am super scheduled and organized and have a neurotic need to plan most of each day. However when I am on vacation, I can totally roll with it and am fine nay prefer to go without a set plan.

However....

BH goes in to uber planning mode when we are on vacation. He wants everything nailed down and scheduled. He wants to make sure we "get everything in." Nothing wrong with that. As long as I don't have to get up early or keep an eye on my watch.

This could be why he does not get quite as much pleasure from a beach oriented vacation as I do.

Here is my "schedule" we our vacation destination involves a trip to the beach

1. Get there
2. Lay out my towel
3. Lay ON my towel
4. Nap
5. Get in the water
6. Nap
7. Get in the water
8. Reapply sunscreen
9. Repeat above until dusk. Optional sand castle building can be thrown in if you so desire. Reading a trashy novel is also a good ingredient to throw in as well.

That schedule works for BH for all of about an hour I think.

However he can hike in the mountains for days. I am good for only a few hours.

It takes all kinds I suppose.

So I am very excited about our trip.

Once we get back.... we start to save for our next vacation..........

DISNEY WORLD Spring Break 2010.

Yee Haw.

Wet Paint

Hiya.

Been painting again.

Tired.

Must post because it has been a week.

Please forgive short boring post.

One with pictures of painting projects 2 and 3 coming soon.

I know...you are all about to soil yourselves with anticipation.

Night. Night.

Need Sleepy.

Neverending Quest

I often feel that I am on a neverending quest.

What is it I am searching for?

I search for what all families with children and two full time working parents seek.

More time.

I have felt for several months now that my weekends are anything but restful, fun, or restorative. In fact I feel like the weekends are when I go into overtime to my second job, that being a domestic engineer, keeper of the house, do-er of the laundry, chore monger, whatever you want to call it.

With the change in expectation at my job, I really need some restorative time, and it just ain't been happening.

I have been pondering how to help my weekends be a bit more restful and fun for several weeks now.

This is not an easy problem to solve. See I can not simply give up the tasks and chores that have been taking up the weekends. There is no choice but to reassign some things to another day or evening to be more precise.

That is not excatly something that fills my heart with happiness.

Seeing as how by the time I get home, we have dinner and take care of the regular evening stuff I do not have much left over for anything else.

BUT... I have decided to suck it up and try to be more productive in the after work hours during the week.

This week I moved doing the laundry up a few days in an effort to get it done before Saturday.

This week I was successful and man it has been GREAT. Today I was able to go places and do things without fretting or feeling guilty that the laundry sits waiting for me.

Now this week I did not have the full loads I would typically have seeing as how a full week had not passed since I completed the laundy. So it was really quite easy.

This coming week may be another story.

I have to say while I have enjoyed my laundry free weekend, I have felt a bit off kilter, always feeling like there is something I should be doing.

Do I did.

Went swimming guilt free.

It was ass-puckering cold in that pool.

But I did not care.

Neither did the kids. At what age do you develop the ability to tell whether it is cold or hot? I do not recall this from child development class.

So my first attempts at creating a restorative weekend were a success.

How do you other working parents create restorative time?

Or am I just fooling myself that this is do-able?

(If I am fooling myself please lie to me because I am not ready to accept the alternative at this point.)

I know you have been sitting on the edge of your seats

Remember about a month ago when I was rambling on about my visit to the doctor and the discovery of my high cholesterol levels and need to drop some poundage?

Well it has been a little over a month now and I just KNEW that you have been thinking, "Gee I wonder how Missy is doing on her Journey to Better Health?"

Your wish is my command.

One month and a few days in to THE JOURNEY and I am o-ficially down 9 pounds.

Not too shabby.

I have been exercising pretty religiously. I think I skipped three days out of the last month plus. Once because of cat trauma, and two days for illness. I have been trying to exercise for half an hour every day. That is 7 days a week people.

As far as diet goes, I am really not doing anything fancy. I found a free online calorie counter, put in my goal weight and the date I would like to reach it, the computer calculated how many calories I need to consume to reach that goal. I enter the food I eat and try to keep it at or below that number every day. It has been eye opening to see how many calories are in something like a breadstick. It has helped me get my portions more realistic and I certainly see now how my ignorance about how many calories foods contain helped get me in this mess.

Overall it has not been too bad or crazy making. I am not depriving myself. I have had pizza, and an occasional cheeseburger and fries. Now I eat less of those when I have them, and try to keep a low calorie morning and afternoon if I know I am going to indulge in that manner. I am also putting a big emphasis on eating the recommended daily fruits and veggies.

Now I have to remember to keep an eye on the cholesterol thing. In reviewing my progress, I have discovered that I have lost some sight of the need to control my cholesterol, and focused more on the calorie reduction and weight loss. Need to make sure that even though I can eat pizza and cheeseburgers occasionally and still drop pounds, they are not good choices to reduce the cholesterol and need to be very occasional foods.

I don't feel that I am obsessing as much now, and that is helpful. I tend to overestimate how much I have consumed at times and leave myself hungry at a meal in my effort to be disciplined, but do also enjoy that I can have an extra snack when that happens. It's like a little present.

The only thing I am really struggling with is when we go out to eat. I have done well choosing healthy options, but I find myself getting irritable and sometimes even angry when I watch others at the table consuming how ever much they want of whatever they want (read what I want!) Now I am not saying that I have had thoughts of stabbing someone with a fork as I watch them gobble up a plate of fries while I slowly chew my lettuce, but it might have crossed my mind.

So that is my progress for now. I know that takes a huge load off of the 4 of you who read this. You can carry on now.

What?? It only took me 11 years!!

As of September of this year it will be 11 years since I completed my Masters Degree.

This week I FINALLY completed the requirements necessary to get my clinical license.

I have had a regular old license as a professional counselor, the CLINICAL license means I jumped through hoops for almost three years and passed another test. It also means I can practice independently.

So why has it taken me soooooo looonnng?

Weelll..

I got my degree in California, and Kansas licensing requirements are different and I had to take 2 more classes. That took a while because I was busy having babies and trying to work.

My first clinical supervisor died and I did not have verification of hours/supervision/etc.

I took a hiatus from clinical work to be a state employee/office monkey. (That was a really bad decision by the way.)

After my hiatus I worked at a job for 8 months that kept promising, but never followed through with clinical supervision.

It took me a several months in to my current job to get my shit together and start the process all over again.

At any rate it is done now. The application is turned in. I paid an outrageous application fee, that will soon be followed by paying MORE outrageous fees for the exam and then the actual license.

Whew. I will be glad to have the rest of this process signed, sealed, and delivered.

Then I have to figure out what my next educational/career goal will be. I feel naked without one.

How Do You Make This Decision?

My 14 year old cat is not well.

Her kidneys have been failing, she has had seizures, and may or may not have had a stroke or is drunk on ammonia in her system from the failure to produce urine.

For almost a week we have been giving her subcutaneous fluids, watching, waiting, and worrying.

Yesterday we took her to the vet who told us that her level of functioning right now is about the best we are going to get. He told us that if we are ok with how she is right now we can keep on as we are. He said if we are at anytime ready to let her go that is fine too.

I was really hoping for a more definitive answer because, of course, I do not want to be the one who makes the call to end her life. Neither does BH. This is not exactly something we can decide using the old, "nose goes" or rock, paper, scissors.

She has seemed to improve slightly, and that has caused us to question what we should do. We do not however know if she can sustain these improvements without a lot of extraordinary measures on our part.

There is no question that her quality of life is not what it once was. However there is a question as to whether or not it is diminished to the point that we need to let her go.

Of course complicating the matter is our own desire to keep her around. At this point I really can not say how much of this waffling is my own stuff, desires, and dread of making such a tough call.

I do know this much...

I am tired of trying to figure it all out. Tired of crying over it. Tired of worrying about it.

Just tired. And sad.

So very very sad.

Blerg and a Twist I did not want.

I had hoped to have time to do a better post, but nearly all of the 8 million children scheduled to see me for therapy came to their appointments this week, we are very fearful that our senior citizen kitty is dying, AND we are completing #2's somewhat extreme room makeover this weekend. So between painting, making one thousand trips to the vet, giving the cat subcutaneous fluids at home in between vet visits, and generally being exhausted from everyday business has left me little time, desire, or energy to blog.

Hopefully next week will be better. A little less busy at work, good news from the vet about my sweet old lady cat, and the makeover will be complete.

Maybe then I can do a fun photo filled post of the big orange makeover.

Yup...that's right. We are painting #2's room o-r-a-n-g-e.

SHE could not be more excited.

I am reserving comment and opinion until it is a done deal.

I AM however admitting to my twitchiness about this color scheme.

Does not like to travel solo

I pretty much NEVER go out of town without at least one family member along for the ride.

This week I had to attend a conference out of town and thus spent one night away from home all by my lonesome.

Lonesome indeed.

I know many mothers and fathers relish the thought of a whole night away in a hotel room all by themselves, but I sure ain't one of them.

I spent my solo evening pining.

I missed my babies and my honey.

Apparently the feelings were mutual. #2 in particular many times in the hours since my return talked about how glad she was that I was home, how much she loves me, and mentioned countless times how much she was looking forward to having "all of her tuckings in to bed" tonight. #1 gave me more hugs in one evening than I usually get over the course of a week it seemed.

Perhaps I should spend a night away more often.

Nahh....it's not worth it.

I am beginning to worry about my ability to leave the girls for an entire week this July.......

As a matter of fact it DOES suck

I am at one week post bad cholesterol number news. I have been very good and extremely vigilant about eating and exercise.

The exercise I don't mind so much.

The constant analysis of every single bite of food I put in to my mouth...I mind A. LOT.

I am more than ready to get past having to think about all of this so much. I am ready for this to be a habit as opposed to...well...not being a habit I suppose.

Not very patient am I? I know there are a few theories out there about how long it takes to form a habit. I am pretty sure that none of those theories say that a habit can be changed in the matter of one week.

Too bad. I was hoping to fast track this bitch.

Let's talk about something else, because I am spending way too much of my thinkin' time on this topic.

I got to stay home today! We have had a good run of good health, that has come to an end. #1 was sent home with pink eye yesterday and not allowed to return to school until she had been on antibiotics for 24 hours. She feels fine, and the eye already looks better. So we have hung out, played the world's longest game of war, went to her favorite sandwich joint for lunch, and now she is playing outside with the neighbor kids, who are home schooled. Not a bad day all in all. Soon we are off to Barnes and Noble so she can get the latest book in her beloved Warriors series.

So my outlook about work continues to be pretty dim. Not sure what to do about it still. I will have completed the requirements for my clinical license in a little less than three weeks. Once I have the clinical license in hand, I think it will be time to start thinking about what I want to do. I have mostly just been complaining, and biding my time these past two months waiting to finish up this clinical licensing process. Now that it is nearly done, I feel like I need to spend some time making some decisions. Not really looking forward to that decision making part of things.

Oh well. I guess it is all part of this so called "grown-up life."

A Check Under the Hood

After putting it off for a ridiculously long time, I finally got around to switching over to a new doctor and getting a physical.

If you knew the amount of anxiety this provoked for me, you would likely be dragging me to the local psychiatrist for medication. The good news is that now I have done it, I won't be so wiggly and resistant about keeping up. It won't keep me from getting edgy every time I have to go, but it won't be to the ridiculous levels it was for this one.

What I learned was that I apparently have a "Cholesterol Problem." Now REALLY this was not terribly surprising for a few reasons:

1. Family History
2. A diet that has largely been based on crap for a while
3. Lack of regular exercise for quite a while now
4. Being above my desired weight for height

So I was in no way shocked by what I was told. My doctor seemed a bit surprised by the results, but less so after I confessed my sins. He did have me do ANOTHER BLOOD DRAW (oh how I HATE HATE HATE the blood draw) to rule out a "sluggish thyroid" which apparently can lead to high cholesterol. No word yet on those results. I am throwing my vote at 1-4 above being the culprit, but you never know I guess.

I wasted no time in taking necessary steps towards correcting this problem. Of course as I think is somewhat expected in this type of situation, I am questioning every bite I put in to my mouth far more than is needed I am sure. I am doing my research on cholesterol lowering foods, amping up the fruits and veggies, and have hit the treadmill every evening since I got the results.

I am concerned of course about this issue, but in a way I am glad about it. This is exactly the kick in the pants I required to do what I have known I needed to do for sometime now. I am trying hard to have a positive attitude about the changes I am trying to make, and think fewer thoughts about being deprived of things I like. I think for a while I am going to be as vigilant as I can, until I have truly changed my habits. I am far to prone to the "Oh well I have already eaten this so I may as well go all out." So vigilance will be required. No doubt about it.

I thought it was a happy coincidence that in our quest to eliminate unhealthy things in our lives, this month fast food was the choice to give up. I have not missed the food itself really, but I miss the convenience to be sure. Our rule is no place with a drive thru. (Because we had to find a way to justify our Chipotle addiction) IF for some reason we must use a place with a drive thru salad has to be the order. Fast food salads are N-A-S-T-Y for the most part, so that is motivation for me to just say no.

The good news I received was that a concerning lump on my collarbone is nothing more than a fibroma. Of course when he called it a fibroma I was on the fast train to wigging out, but he quickly explained that it was nothing to be concerned about. Unless it grows of course. I will strive not to obsessively measure it's size. I think that will be pretty easy.

So my journey to better health and lower cholesterol begins.

Good luck and Godspeed to me.

Why I Love Our President

First I have to mention how thrilled I am to once again have something positive to say about our country's leader. It makes my heart glow like ET.



I love this book and have so many fond memories of reading it to my girls. Even though they are long past being able to read it themselves we still get it out from time to time. #1 had it memorized at age 2 and would read it to me in her cute little voice. Hope you enjoy.

Passive Aggressive Much Mother?

I bought an adorable dress for #2 a few weeks ago.

Sooo cute! I thought it would make a lovely Easter dress and #2 agreed.

You never know what the weather is going to be like on Easter around here so I bought this to go with it.She will be so stinkin' cute I won't be able to stand it.

#2 is very excited about her new dress, and wanted to show it to her beloved Grammy when she was here for her weekly make breakfast for the girls and take them to school day. I had it hanging up in the downstairs bathroom for "ironing." (Read: letting many steamy showers do their de-wrinkling magic.)

My mother appropriately compliments the dress and then asks if I would like her to take it home and iron it.

"Uhhhh....no. I think I can take care of that, but thanks for the offer." Says I.

"Oh, well I didn't think you had an iron." replies Mother Dear.

"What the hell?" I think in my head.

I then actually reply, "Of course I have an iron!"

"Oh well I didn't know, I guess I thought you didn't like to iron." says Ma.

Well she is right about that. I do avoid the iron when I can. My steamy shower works pretty well most of the time. Back to our scintillating conversation....

"I was planning on ironing the dress." (I totally wasn't) "I was just using the steam to get out most of the wrinkles to make it easier." I reply.

"Oh well if you change your mind I don't mind doing it." Says the woman who used to iron my t-shirts when I was a kid no matter how much I begged her not to.

Ohhhh Lord. I am 37 years old. It amazes and shames me that she can reduce me to a track covering irritated adolescent with one sentence.

I have to leave now. Tomorrow is Easter and I swear to the resurrected Jesus that I am going to iron the shit out of that dress. There won't be one damn wrinkle. I am then going to invite my mother over to prove to her that I have mad ironing skills.

I feel a summons coming on...

In the mail today I received a very official looking document from US District Court.

They wanted a little information from me.

About my qualifications to be a juror it seems.

Now there is a tiny part of me that thinks it would be kinda cool.

However the anxious fretting part of me is a much larger beast who can not fathom how I could possibly do that.

BH was called up a year or so ago, and he was supposed to be available to be called at any time for something like 2-3 months. MONTHS. As in more than one. As in much more than the week you have to be available for county court around here.

Yikes. Given my line of work that would be very hard and pretty darn detrimental to the wee ones who depend on me for their bi-weekly dose of play therapy.

Of course you KNOW I went to the crazy place of my being selected for a long ass trial that went on forever and required sequestering. Oh God. I am going to put myself in to a real state if I keep on that train of thought.

BH got out of his because it would be problematic for him to miss that much teaching time, so I assume the same could happen for me. Long term interruptions to the therapeutic process are generally contraindicated particularly for children under the age of 6. (How does THAT sound?) I may have to actually tag this post so that I can come back to that phrase if I need it!

It won't stop me from fretting about it that is for sure. 'Cause you know how I love me something to fret about. (Not really, but I seem to be unable to stop myself.)

Sigh.

A Maybe on the Likelihood Scale

I believe I have discussed before #1's disdain for all things girly. Doesn't want her hair messed with, lives in t-shirts and slicky pants, no Barbies, dolls, princesses, or anything of that nature. No nail painting (actually when she was a preschooler she liked this quite a bit, but since hitting grade school NO WAY!)

So you can imagine my surprise when a week or so ago, I found out that #1 had willingly agreed to play with MAKEUP and PERFUME while at my mother's house. We were all meeting at a restaurant to celebrate #2's birthday. The girls were with my mom after school and had been playing outside. My mom came in to get herself ready and suggested the girls do a little clean up too, because as she put it, "That is what we ladies do."

Now that phrase right there SHOULD have incited immediate rebellion in #1. But it didn't, she was all up for using the body spray, and let my mom put eyeshadow and lip gloss on her. (Now I had to have a bit of discussion with mother about the makeup part. Play at home fine. Out in public not fine.) Of course we could not hold back our shock. BH asked if boyfriends were next. #2 replies in a very haughty way, "That would be a maybe on the likelihood scale Dad."

There was no way we could contain the laughter at that one.

To top it off, #1 asked if we could go to Bath and Body Works to get some of the body wash and body spray that Grammy had. After I picked myself up off the floor I answered yes of course!

Things they are a changin'.

While we are sort of on the funny things kids say topic, #2 comes up with this lovely question a couple of days ago out of nowhere:

"Mommy what happens to ghosts when they die?"

In one of my finer mommy moments my answer was to simply laugh.

I laugh because I have no idea what to answer. So I use my best therapy tactic.

"What do you think happens to ghosts when they die."

Thankfully she did not seem to concerned.

Recipe for a Sleepover

So I am now the parent of children who are aged 11 and 8.

#2 celebrated her 8th birthday last week, with a slumber party.

#2 is a big fan of the sleepover.

I do not always share her enthusiasm. Because sleepover = very grumpy child the next day.

Now I deal with many MANY grumpy children at work all day long. Therefore I prefer to limit my exposure to grumpy children at home on my days off as much as possible.

I feel that I have come up with a solution that allows both parties to get their way when it comes to sleepovers.

First, during the school year I pretty much insist that the sleepover take place on Friday night.

Why?

A couple reasons:

1. Children have been in school all day, all WEEK for that matter, so they come to you at least somewhat fatigued already.

2. We have Saturday AND Sunday to recover from the sleep deprivation that is de rigeur for a sleepover. (I am sure there are many reasons why when the children go to bed several hours past their regular bed time at one of these functions they feel that they must rise an hour or two EARLIER than they would on a regular day. I will never accept any of the reasons this happens because they are all ludicrous, I don't care what you say.)

Next, call me mean, boring, whatever but I set the lights out and lights out no more talking times. I can not in good faith go to sleep if someone else's children are up and running around my house. I need to sleep, therefore the kids are going to sleep. I generally have a lights out at 11, and no more talking at 11:30. This does help curb some sleep deprived grouchiness, because we are not staying up until 4 AM. I really have not gotten any complaints about this policy from the wee ones.

Last, naps the following day are manditory. No questions asked. Do not even attempt to talk me out of it. This is part of the child price for being allowed a sleepover. #2 didn't even have to be told after last week's party. She went on her own. Bedtime is also early that night.

Since insituting this plan, I have experienced much less grouchiness the following day.

I don't even cringe openly when requests for sleepovers are made any more.

Feel free to adopt this recipe as your own.

Tweak it to meet your needs, but I can not guarantee results if you do.

Professing my love to Sirius

If you have been reading this blog for a long time, you may recall that in the past I have had a rant or two about the piss poor state of radio 'round my home town.

If I was a cooler, better blogger I would have those posts tagged, categorized, bedazzled, and all the other things the hip bloggers do. Alas I am lazy and do not bother with all that, therefore I am not going to be able to link back to those posts. I have neither the time nor inclination to go back through 3.5 years of posts to find what I am looking for.

YOU may if you are so inclined however. Might be fun if you have absolutely nothing else to do. I think some of those early Babbles may have been entertaining from time to time. But I digress......

My poor patient husband has been listening to me bitch, moan, repeatedly switch the station, sigh, moan again before turning the damn radio off altogether because I am so very disgusted. Why the man has been willing to ride in a car with me is a mystery.

I guess he finally got good and fed up with my behavior because for my birthday a couple of weeks ago he got me a Satellite Radio!!!!!

I had looked in to that before, several years ago but was unimpressed with the station selection and twitchy about paying for radio.

Things have improved greatly since I last looked into it, and I am GLAAAADDDLYY paying for the service. To me it is worth every penny to hear my beloved music. The artists I love. The era's I love....

Oh my God I love it. I want to drive around in my car all the time, but luckily I don't have to because I got a groovy fancy boombox that plays my little radio any where I want!

Car rides are so much more pleasant with my new toy. Of course we always have to drive my car now, but I don't think my BH cares because his wife is a bitchin' no more!

Y'see I tend to be a bit of uh well....snob I guess when it comes to the tunes. I have always kind of been that way, and just can not bear to sit and listen to music I don't like. High school dances were painful for me primarily for that reason, and likely why I went to very few of them, among other reasons I recall one where several of my friends and I staged a sit in because the DJ was playing crap. Guns n Roses, awful 80's hair bands, and other assorted horrors. I am sure we thought we were edgy and cool, but more likely we just came off as assholes. Ahh hindsight.

For our wedding dance BH and I laboriously made numerous cassette tapes, because I (with his full agreement by the way) flatly refused to have a DJ come and "play nothing but top 40 crap, or GOD FORBID.... County music on our special day. Did you know that DJ's let people come up and make requests??? Oh God the horror!! THE HORROR!!" (Hmmmm....I don't think there is a much better example of my control issues.)

So now I have hundreds of channels that cater to just about any musical whim I have.

And I LOVE it. Love it again, and then I love it some more.

Worth every penny of that $14 a month to me. Every.Last.One.

Disturbed Maybe, Bothered Definitely

Last night I once again dreamt that I was at work. I really hate those dreams. I especially hate them when I am on vacation as is the case right now.

So the dream starts off with me just being at work doing what I do. Then I am off to meet with my former supervisor about new job responsibilities that she will be overseeing. (A dose of real life there.) While meeting with my former supervisor, a co-worker comes in and crawls on to a couch that is in the office, says that she needs to take a nap and then uses a remote control which causes the couch to fold up and cocoon her. Next, my former supervisor and I are driving in rainstorm, it is a very heavy rainstorm, and suddenly something (I still don't know what) crashes through the windshield and shatters it. Then in the funny way that dreams do, we are all back in her office talking about what happened, and checking to make sure everyone is ok. I say I am fine, but my mouth is full of glass from the windshield. I keep spitting mouthfuls of glass in to a sink. I start to panic about the possibilities for me if I have swallowed glass, and then wake up.

This dream has stuck with me all day. One reason I think is because the sensation of having a mouthful of glass seemed very real. That has creeped me out on several occasions today. The second reason is I keep wondering what this dream might be about... really. Oddly, I seem to be halting that stream of thought before it goes to far.

I am not always sure what I think about meaning in dreams. But for whatever reason this one is bugging me, so I feel that on some level there is more than just a weird dream going on here.

I think that part of me does not want to examine it because of my less than cordial feelings about changes the agency has implemented right now. As I have said in other posts I am trying really hard to push through these feelings. Given my complete dread about returning to work next week, it seems the pushing through is not going so well.

Bleah. I do not like this. Not one little bit.

Missy is struggling.

Making them earn their keep

We are a family that does menu planning. Sunday is grocery day, we make our menu, make our list and then I am off for my weekly torture session.

At least once meal during the week is totally kid friendly. Meaning both children will eat it without complaint. Additionally meaning that the meal consists of macaroni and cheese with either fishsticks or chicken nuggets. (Please pardon the pause while I gag.)

It will likely come as no surprise that this meal often gets skipped because BH and I Do.Not.Want.To.Eat.That.Nasty.Shit. So often we devise some clever reason that we have to eat out and not cook that meal.

STAMPS!! We must go out and get stamps!!! All of us together!!! We have to get them from the store on the otherside of town because they have the pretty ones that REALLY adhere to the envelope and by the time we get there and back well it will be getting late and the kids have school tomorrow .. we can't get them in to bed late, so I guess we better stop at Chipotle and get some dinner to save time since it is RIGHT THERE.

Or something like that.

We are in a NEVEREFFINGENDING quest to eat out less, so my BH came up with the brilliant idea a few weeks ago to have the children cook this meal, so that we would not be able to excuse our way out of it and go out again. The kids love this idea and have been all over it. Of course the problem is that we still have to eat the nasty fishsticks/chicken nuggets. So after a few weeks of success we have been slipping back in to excuse/avoid the meal mode.

I have been looking for cookbooks for kids, or something of that sort to help expand their cooking skills beyond heating up an oven and heating up frozen food, and also to widen and vary the menu a bit.

If anyone has any suggestions about cookbooks, websites, etc. I am all ears.

Please help us on our quest to just say no to sticks made of frozen fish parts.

37 is the new 25

Ahh yes...as of today I am another year deeper in to my 30's. I am officially 37.

I never did come up with any resolutions for the New Year, and while I typically do not keep my resolutions for long, in some ways I have felt a bit off kilter, without having any specific goal to start off the new year.

I decided a few days ago that I would treat my birthday like the new year and makes some resolutions regarding my 37th year on this earth.

Since I don't like to "reinvent the wheel" as they say, I have decided to take a cue from BH regarding my goals for 37.

Or in layperson terms I am totally copying him.

Since the beginning of the year he has been giving up one unhealthy habit every month. He has had pretty good success so far.

As I have viewed his success and have been increasingly more guilty for imbibing in front of him those things that he is choosing to relinquish I thought this would be a good route to go.

SO! After today I will no longer be drinking soda. That is where I am starting. I think it will be a fairly easy task and be a good way to get me on track with this program.

Next month...Fast Food. I was going to say candy, but there is no way I am going to be able to pass up Reece's Peanut Butter Eggs. Candy is going to be hard and ugly. Because my primary consumption of chocolate happens through candy.

I will post the warnings when it is time for that one. I may start writing out my apologies now. I don't even want to think about what my blog posts will be..probably something along the lines of : Whine, whine, crazy, bitchy, whine, whine, ANGRY TIRADE, whine, whine, whine.

Maybe I shoud just copy and paste the above now and save myself some trouble.

Just thought you all would like to know

I am on spring break!

No work for an entire week!

Yay!

Whoopeee!

Look out creepy basement!

Get back disgusting art room!

Beware crowded and disorganized kitchen cabinets!

Ima comin' after you.

Try not to be TOO jealous of my exotic vacation plans.